No is a superpower

The hidden price of mentoring.

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Teacher.

Coach.

Mentor.

Once upon a time, I thought those three roles were essentially the same. A coach was a mentor who was also a teacher. A teacher was like a coach who also mentored.

I believed it so much that my teaching philosophy was built around my role as a teacher who is like a coach with a heavy influence of mentoring.

But that’s no longer my belief.

Teacher

A teacher primarily imparts. They can also be a mentor and a coach or have those qualities and characteristics, but ultimately, a teacher is expected to sacrifice. Teaching is something I worked really hard to be really good at and to do well, but I always knew there would be an element of sacrifice.

Pay

Most of us know that teachers don’t get paid enough. It’s not that they don’t get paid well; although, that is true in many cases. It’s that they don’t get paid well enough for all their training, their hours of work outside the classroom, their investment in their classroom, their ability to ebb and flow, their patience, and so much more that they are dealing with on a regular basis. No one in their right mind would expect a teacher to not get paid.

Sacrifice

But teachers are expected to sacrifice. Sacrifice their time: grading and preparing outside of the classroom and attending activities and events when they are not being paid. Sacrifice their money: buying classroom supplies and decorations to make sure students have what they need in a comfortable (and cute) environment. Sacrifice their privacy and personal choices: making sure they are always “on” even when they go out in case they see parents or students and protecting their social media persona to avoid conflicts. Sacrifice their core understanding of education and their values: standardizing everything to keep things the same for everyone even though each student is an individual.

I admit. I wasn’t good at the sacrifice. I spent too much time outside the classroom grading, preparing, and showing up for students instead of spending time with my own kids. I spent way too much money investing in my classroom and my students, often feeding them instead of myself. (My kids always ate well and had whatever stuff they needed.) I still censor myself online and make sure I’m presentable when I go out. I struggled so much with standardizing and the practice of treating everyone the same that I haven’t taught in the grades 5-12 classroom in years, and I’m not sure I’ll ever go back.

I understood those sacrifices and respected that they had to be part of my career and my life because they were part of who I am at my core. And I’m confident that teaching has helped me be good at what I do as a project manager and course creator. But recently, I’ve been asked if I do business coaching.

Coach

A professional coach also imparts. They also teach and can be a mentor or have those qualities and characteristics, but ultimately, a coach isn’t expected to sacrifice in the same way a teacher is. (Note: We’re talking professional coaches like business coaches.)

Pay

Coaches are most often paid well. They have a level of experience and expertise that people value, so they’re willing to pay for that coach. When it comes to business coaches, $10,000 for a 6-week coaching commitment isn’t uncommon, and that’s one person paying for that one coach. They’re getting paid for their experience and expertise, which typically are tied to their reputation. Sometimes their education and credentials are factored in, but the anticipated results are also factored in when it comes to their value.

Sacrifice

No one expects professional business coaches to sacrifice. They spend time and resources, but they are paid for them. They’re not sacrificing, and they’re not readily accessible for everyone.

I have the experience, expertise, education, and reputation to be a business coach. Sure, I could add to what I already have, but I’ve hesitated to take this step because of the accessibility. Instead, I’ve taken on the role of mentor. I’m struggling with it a bit.

Mentor

A mentor gives extensively. They can also teach and coach, but mentoring is a demanding role that requires listening, emotional energy, background in the area and/or the audience, and a lot of time.

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Pay

Mentors are not typically paid. While they are often in a position to not get paid, they are still sacrificing.

Sacrifice

A major component of mentoring is the sacrifice of time. Mentoring isn’t just giving advice and guidance. It’s using the wealth of knowledge attained over the years. That information is valuable and has taken time to achieve. It took me years to develop the skills that I have today and it has taken more of my time than I can even put to paper.

Between being there for others, as I always have been, and recognizing that my time is valuable and worth something, I’m struggling to be the mentor I want to be. I want to help, but so many people expect me to mentor them (for free) rather than pay me as a coach or even as a consultant

We have all heard the saying “Time is money” but do we respect our mentors time as much as we do anyone else who is an expert?

Think about it.

You go to a medical doctor when you’re feeling sick, and you expect to pay. You’re paying for the doctor’s time, education, and office space. If you are taking someone’s time you pay for that service.

Expecting someone to give you business advice, a consultation, or a favor for free is simply taking advantage of that person. You’re eating away at the amount of profitable time that person has and can make it difficult for their business to run as successfully as it should.

My new hero Rachel Rodgers talks about how much we can invest when we are thriving in our business. We can invest our time, talent, and treasure when we’re millionaires. But if we are giving it away for free, we’re going to struggle to ever get to that point where we can afford to give it away for free.

It hurts my heart to tell people no. No isn’t always a reflection of want or desire; it’s often a reflection of choice and priorities. But for me, more often than not, I overwhelm myself, put my needs on the back burner, and sacrifice, so I don’t have to say no. I’ve chosen to spend hours and hours mentoring people (for free) instead of valuing my time.

All of this is to say I would encourage you to consider someone else’s time the next time you need a favor, a chat turns into business consultation, or you need a quick task completed.

Experience and education come at a cost.

Time is valuable.

The right people are worth the investment.

Categories: story-telling